Not pretend, but our friendship's over now (or maybe not, I don't know) and messaging him to tell him that I miss him is just inappropriate. I doubt it'll be fine for him to be my friend again. Knowing him.
Everyday I remember. Many of them I mourn. I am lucky to have experienced any purity in my dark ways. This is a gift I will carry forever. Though it's gone forever, I can understand the importance of bringing good to the world.